As we get older in life, it’s easy for past friendships and acquaintances to dwindle. That’s not to say you’re any less fond of those people, it may just be that you grew apart, that a lack of proximity has caused for a lack of closeness, or that you’ve moved to an entirely new location with new priorities.
Because there’s a distinct lack of “third spaces” in our general culture, it can be harder to meet people. But it’s true to say that people are out there, and many of them are friendly, so if you’ve reached your thirties or so without many friends, don’t lose hope.
In fact, one of the best ways to build a friend group again is to be a friend. Just as in order to be interesting, you have to be interested. In this post, we’ll discuss how and why that is, how to get started, and what adjustments to make for real success:
Reach Out When You Can
Without effort put into relationships, it’s easy for them to fizzle out. That’s why, when you can, it’s important to make an effort to regularly chat with acquaintances you’d like to become better friends with. If you ask questions about their lives, share personal stories, let people in and be supportive, you’d be surprised how well you can connect with people. Sometimes, it’s easy to assume friendships will develop on their own, and they can, but making that gentle effort realy does help.
Invite To Casual Fun Events
It’s the little events that are optional but nice to spend together that have the most impact. If you’re connecting with someone platonically, you might invite them for a casual drink after work, invite them to join your recreational sports team, or for a monthly game night. Even grabbing a coffee can help. It can sometimes feel a little tense to ask someone like that for the first time, but if you just put that first foot forward it can make a big difference.
Take Invitations With Grace & Help Out
When friends celebrate big milestones like birthdays, weddings or promotions, make sure you acknowledge it. Taking time to attend their events, offer that thoughtful card or gift, and express genuine happiness for their achievements and life moments shows you do care. You might even help out with party supplies. This shows you value them as a person and would love to be part of their wins in life.
Don’t Let It Be All One Way
Putting in the effort to be a good friend means being receptive when they try to make plans with you too. If they extend invitations, follow through and reciprocate by occasionally being the host yourself. But if they’re just not reflecting your goodwill back at you, it’s perfectly fine to move on. That doesn’t mean you need to be clingy, they might have a family or be busy. But realizing you’re not getting the respect you give can be an indication to spend time with people who do appreciate you.
With this advice, you’ll find it easier to make friendships, as opposed to just falling into them.